Came across this article here and thought it was worth sharing.
By Hamilton Nolan
First of all let me just say that Crossfit is great. It’s great!
Crossfit will get your ass in shape. There’s no question about it. I
certainly am not going to say anything that would make thousands of
people in “WODKILLA” t-shirts unduly angry. So it must be said, right up
front: Crossfit is a very, very good workout thing.
That said, fuck Crossfit.
Let’s talk about the good parts first! Honey before… flies, or
whatever they say. As far as workout fads go, Crossfit is absolutely
outstanding. Because it features actual hard workouts with real
exercises that will in fact get you in great shape, as opposed to, you
know, fake kickboxing moves, or a glorified dance party, or an expensive
contraption that does poorly what could be achieved better and cheaper
elsewhere, or something that requires you to look at
John Basedow’s face
for an extended period of time. In terms of its actual fitness
activities, Crossfit is not a hustle at all. It teaches a good,
productive variety of real exercises that produce real power. Its
workouts are hardcore. Can’t complain, about that! Great stuff! High
five, or whatever the similar term is in the Crossfit™ lingo!
It must be said, though: there are a few things wrong with Crossfit.
1. It is group exercise. I’m biased, because I despise group exercise
in a rather venomous and irrational way, but fuck “group exercise.”
Workouts should be
done alone.
The Crossfit workouts themselves are fine as long as the gym is empty
and locked and located far away from any Crossfit members.
2. It is generalist. If you’ve ever joined some crappy chain gym for
the first time then you’ve probably been approached by some peppy
personal trainer who says, “What are your fitness goals?” The vast
majority of people just quizzically wrinkle their brows, then gesture to
nearest copy of People with Jake Gyllenhaal on the cover. “Look like
that guy, I guess,” you grunt. “Get in shape.” If your own fitness goals
possess this near-absolute level of vagueness, Crossfit is perfect for
you. You do a little of everything. You do some Olympic lifting, and
some powerlifting, and some bodyweight stuff, and some cardio stuff, and
some running, and some sprinting, and some intervals, and some circuit
training, and some whoop do doop. And you will, yes, “get in shape.” You
may even get abs to show off at the office pool party.
See, Crossfit does not train you for anything specific—their one brilliant stroke of marketing genius was to declare themselves
“The Sport of Fitness,”
making it an end in itself. You’re not doing those 1600-meter bear
crawls and timed rope climbs to get in shape for anything; you’re doing
them to get better at doing them so one day you can go to the Crossfit
games and do them alongside a dozen other people in front of a small
crowd. The simple counterpoint to Crossfit is that if you are training
for something specific, you’ll want to train for that thing, rather than
training for “what if you’re caught in a burning building and you have
to climb out while carrying someone on your shoulders and then run away
at top speed and then throw a kettlebell at an angry dog that chased
you,” as Crossfit does.
Do you want to be a powerlifter? Don’t do Crossfit. (As your MAIN
WORKOUT, assholes.) Do you want to be a distance runner? Don’t do
Crossfit. Do you want to simply add muscle bulk at all costs? Don’t do
Crossfit. Are you training for a specific sport which requires you to
sharpen very specific physical skills? Don’t do Crossfit. Instead, train
for what it is you actually want to achieve. This may seem
self-evident. But have you ever tried telling a Crossfit person that
Crossfit is not that panacea of all physical training activities? I
wouldn’t recommend it, unless you are the type of person who enjoys
getting into heated religious discussion with Jehovah’s Witnesses.
3. It is too expensive. A Crossfit gym is like a regular gym but
purposely dirtier and with all the expensive exercise machines replaced
by ropes and iron balls. (
Which is great!) It
is far cheaper to outfit a Crossfit gym than a stupid commercial gym.
Those savings are… whatever the exact opposite of “passed on to the
customer” is. The normal gym closest to my house costs $40 a month. The
Crossfit gym closest to my house costs $250 just to do the “on ramp”
classes to be allowed to pay an additional $250 per month to take all
the Crossfit classes you want. This is one reason that Crossfit tends to
attract an outsized proportion of INTENSE POWER YUPPIES. (Which is
fine!) Crossfit is too expensive, the end.
4. Their pullups suck. A pullup goes up, and then down. Crossfit likes to teach people to do these god damn
“kipping pullups”
which involve propelling yourself up and down using hip generated
momentum, like some undulating fish flopping from an iron bar. THIS IS
NOT A PULLUP. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED.
Here’s a guy who did 100 “pullups.” Yeah real impressive but those ARE NOT REAL PULLUPS. Yes, they are something. But not pullups.
One of Crossfit’s trademark workouts is
“Fran,”
which involves doing sets of 21, 15, and 9 pullups. Now: a very, very
small percentage of the population is able to do a single set of 21
proper pullups, without stopping. I guarantee you that the majority of
NFL football players cannot do this. But since it’s so god damn
important to make the numbers in the workout, Crossfit people do 21
kipping pullups instead, and then they’re all, “Yeah, I just did 21
pullups right there.” Yeah, and I can dunk a basketball as long as I’m
jumping off a trampoline. Those are not pullups. This reveals a deeper
problem: this whole “sport of fitness” mentality means that Crossfit
tends to make people more concerned with the number they put up in the
workout—the fastest time, the heaviest snatch, or just finishing the
more grueling workouts—than with the benefit derived from the workout.
In the same way that lifting a lighter weight with perfect form will
give you more benefit than lifting a heavier weight with bad form, so it
is that focusing on making the numbers can often derail you from
receiving the greatest benefit of a workout.
Which brings me to:
5. You will get injured. All these timed workouts and competitive
spirit and shit where they write your scores on a board and there is
constant peer pressure to push yourself harder? You will get injured.
You won’t get an Olympic medal or a Super Bowl trophy for this. Just an
injury.
Enjoy that.
6. The whole “cult” thing. The standard knock on Crossfit is that
it’s a cult, of fitness. It’s not really a cult. (Although everything on
this blog is horrifyingly true.) It’s more like church: plenty of nice
folks there. But the ones who are too into it are fucking creepy.
7. You can’t trademark working out, you fuckers. Doing burpees or
overhead squats or 400 meter runs followed by handstand pushups does not
mean you’re “doing Crossfit.” You’re just working out. You don’t own
that shit. You bastards.
And wear some fucking
regular socks why don’t you.
Other than that Crossfit is A-OK.
Source: http://gawker.com/5928989/
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