Monday, October 26, 2020

WEAKNESS

 I was asked this morning how does one know that I am taking the the steps to make the changes that I said I would..... this is how...hits it right on the head.


Weakness

 

Do I have a weakness?  I am nothing but weakness.  I am not naturally strong, or fast, or flexible.  I am certainly not the smartest person in the world.

I get emotional over stupid things.  I eat the wrong foods. I don't sleep enough. I procrastinate and I waste time.  I care too much about meaningless things and not enough about important things.  My ego is to big. My mind is to small, trapped inside itself.

Not all that being said, I have a saying: A person's strength is often their biggest weakness.  But, their weakness can become strengths. Me? I am weak, in all those ways, I am weak.

But

I don't accept that.

I don't accept that I am what I am and that "that" is what I am doomed to be.  NO!  I do not accept that.  I am fighting.  I am always fighting.  I am struggling and I am scraping and kicking and clawing at those weaknesses- to change them.  To stop them.  Some days I win.  But some days I don't.  But each and every day: I get back up and I move forward.  With my fist clenched.  Towards the battle.  Towards the struggle.  And I fight with everything I've got.:  To overcome those weaknesses and those shortfalls and those flaws as I strive to be just a little bit better today than I was yesterday......


---JOCKO



Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Back at it and 2019 Quick Review

Fell off of here last year and think it is time to get back to writing on here once in a while again.  I am getting that urge to write a little now and again along with getting back to reading everyday which means that I am starting to get back to being me again and getting re-centered.  A lot has happened since my last post which was about 15 months ago.  Shit, I even got married in that time frame.  LOL!  Anyways thought I would do a quick recap of 2019 and catch up of 2020 so this could be a long one!

2019 Recap
 What a fucking year.... so much has happened that I don't even know where to start.  Guess a training recap of the year is one place I can start.

Training: Not my biggest year by far in the running mileage or time, especially the back half of the year with a shoulder surgery.  I have not been below 600 total annual hours in about 4 years so way lower than normal for me. A lot of that is due to really cutting out a lot of the gym and Crossfit work compared to the past few years, especially compared to 2018.  This is an agreement that I made with my coach so to help with my speed with running.  Seems to work but at the same time I do miss the gym and my friends from there.  The bike was a non-factor again this year which is expected.   Here is how 2019 breaks down. 


 How does that compare to the past years?  Well this is an interesting view.  Now you can see what I mean by total hours  being way down in 2019.  Four big years in a row, then a drop off.   This is comparing the last 12 years in total hours plus the first 6 months of 2020 which you can tell I am heading back towards normal total hours at the current rate.  Should be back around 800 total hours in 2020.


Races:
Solid year in the racing department, no more statements of "Shad's Years of Mediocrity"  from the Grumpy Old Men (GOMS).  I actually had a focus to my year which was to be as competive as possible at the UTE 100 with the goal of beating Karl Meltzer.  Did not quite beat him at UTE for he got me by 20mins but I sure as hell gave it my best shot.  Anyways here is the list of all the organized races and/or events from the year.  Lots of great times and memories this year, Hell it was the year that I meet my wife!!!! More on that later.  I look back at this list and it just brings a smile from ear to ear.  What a great year of adventure and I know I say this every year but I am honored once again to have so many great friends and people in my life.

2019 Races/Events


Books:  
Got in solid 28 books this year.  Good to get back to it and feel like myself again.  I have discovered the past couple years that I need to read pretty regularly in order to feel grounded and myself.  I found that I need to read over 20 books a year in order to be somewhat happy with myself.  What I mean by that is I need to feel that I am improving myself regularly and reading gives me that.  If one is not moving forward in their life than they are moving backwards.  The world changes to much to stay in the same place, if that makes any sense.

2019 Books Read 
1. Man's Search for Meaning*
2. Gone: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Book 13*
3. As Many Reps as Possible
4. Blind Descent: Surviving Alone & Blind on Everest*
5. The Great Outdoors: Users Guide
6. Dichotomy of Leadership*
7. The Happy Runner*
8. The Promise*
9. The Trident*
10. Broken Open*
11. Saltwater Buddha*
12. The Impossible Climb*
13. All Our Waves Are Water*
14. The Fear Project*
15. The Plan- Rikers Apocalypse Book 2*
16. Discipline Equals Freedom (re-read)*
17. Storm on Our Shores*
18. The Push: A Climbers Search for the Path*
19. Dottir 
20. Bruce Lee: A Life*
21. Unplugged
22. If the Budda Dated*
23. Arisen: Last Stand*
24. Running with Sherman*
25. Denali Nights*
26. Tools of Titans*
27. The 5 Love Languanges*
28. The Marathon Monks of Mount Hiei*


Review of Goals for 2019 and Goals for 2020:
 2019
1. Re-qualify for Western States lottery - FAILED
2. Backpacking on the Colorado Trail- at least 3 nights -FAILED
3. Attend at least one concert - COMPLETE
4. Sky Dive- FAILED
5. Keep the blog more updated- FAILED
6. Read at least 20 books - COMPLETE
7. Leave the lower 48 states- COMPLETE
8. Bench 225lbs assuming I am able to solve the bum shoulder issue -FAILED, had shoulder surgery
9. Get my Ham Radio license -FAILED

Not a great year on hitting my goals that I laid out but that is ok.  I turned my focus onto racing pretty hard this year and it panned out.  I also had shoulder surgery in Oct which played a part in my lower than normal training hours and with these goals.  Basically my goals and focused changed when I meet my to be wife Sonja.  ;o)

2020
Decided since I am writing this 6 plus months into the year that I am going to leave the goals for 2020 blank knowing what I know about this year.  Between the pandemic, getting married, and the wife being a travel nurse there will be no defined goals this year.  This year is going to be about being the best version of me that I can be for me and especially for her.



2020 Jan to June catch-up!

 So much has happened or not happened the last 6 months.  The first 3 months it was game on with getting married in Feb by Pastor Bob in Leadville to a long vacation in the Everglades of Florida with Sonja in March to the crazy pandemic that we are still currently in.  Basically since March I have been staying home only going out to get food and run while the wife has been working the pandemic in New York (she is a nurse).  Been a pretty boring but a resetting time for me.  Some of the photos below will lay that out.  Anyways that is all I really feel like writing right now.  Going forward I want to keep this blog much more active but not sure how I want to do that.  A weekly update like GZ does?  Random regular updates like JT?  Only update on events like I used too?  Not sure the answer.  I feel like if I spend more time on here writing and sharing photos that will keep me off of social media more which I easily find myself spending to much time, especially since I have been working from home the past 4 months, it has just gotten worse in that time.  Open to any suggestions if you all have any. 

Take care, be safe and I am out.....


2019 Random Photos to Share, not in any order
































  

2020 Random Photos to Share between Jan to June